FREE KISSES!
So last night I partook in some smooching (the innocent sort, of course). As the face of a very dashing gentleman was pinned up against my own, it suddenly hit me..."Kissing is sorta weird, right??" Right.
Of course, I have shared many a kiss with many a fellow in my years, but it wasn't until last night that I realized what a bizarre behavior kissing truly is. I mean seriously...what the eff is it anyway?
Don't judge it, just listen up. Let's just talk about the logistics of kissing for a moment. Mmmk...When we human beings are attracted to one another we put our face ON another person's face, and sometimes, when we're feeling sassy, we lick each other's mouths. Humans do this for hours, sometimes DAYS, at a time. This is called "a kiss".
Why is this our instinct as humans? To press our faces on each other sounds bizarre, yet 90% of the world's population (this is a true fact that I googled) puts their faces on each other. Animals put their noses on each other to smell the other one out, but when was the last time you were kissing someone just so you could smell them?
As I reflected on this kissing phenomenon further, I realized that surely kissing is something that cavemen must have come up with, and I'll be honest with you...kissing is not the wheel. Caveman FAIL.
Imagine if they had picked a different body part to push together to show signs of affection! I propose our BUMS!
Here I display my proposed kissing idea. It is called "a Biss"--a bum-kiss. Whenever you're into someone you just go in for the bum touch!
Positive things about "A Biss":
germ free!
fun for the whole gang!
you can have a conversation with another person!
Long-story short, kissing is strange, but 90% of us are into it. Deal with it and put your face on another person's today!
So actually cavemen didn't come up with it. People used to rub noses to show affection. The the Romans (I think) started kissing their wives to see if they had been drinking while they were away. How it turned from an I-don't-trust-you-so-let-me-probe-your-mouth-to-catch-you-in-a-lie to an I-think-you're-hot-let's-make-out sort of action I don't know. All in all, yes, it's weird, but lovely.
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