These boots were made for walking over to you and telling you that your shoes are fuggles.

This is my hallway. These are my shoes. These are just a few of my shoes TAKING OVER my hallway. I enjoy footwear. There. I said it. 

Some goon once said that the clothes make the man..well, I believe this to be true, but I really think the shoes make the man. Call me shallow, call me a snob, but I have been known to dump a man to the curb for appalling footwear. Why? you ask...Well, I'm glad you are here for my explanation. 

Can someone please explain to me when black tennis shoes became popular? I just don't get them. Perhaps they aren't my aesthetic, but I think they are just fugly. I knew a dude who wore a chunky black tennis shoe with steel toes. Really? Steel-toed tennies? Are you going into battle with the other nerds that own those shoes?

While we're on the topic of tennis shoes, I'd like to address all dudes wearing ORTHOPEDIC TENNIES IN THEIR 20s! If you wear them for lower back purposes...fine. You get a free pass on this one. BUT! If you wear them for fashion purposes or even putting them on your feet purposes...seek a trash can full of fire and place them in it immediately! I'm helping you out on this one.

Let's talk about sandals, for a moment. I get it. If you want to wear sandals..that is your choice. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER include a sock in a sandal. I will vomit all over you. Also, if your sandal resembles anything close to what Rosie O'Donnell would wear out on her boat in Miami, reconsider. You know what those are. You do. It just requires some thinking in the mind-grapes. 

So what is the right shoe? That's a personal choice.

For gents in a financial pickle, a vintage converse sneaker always does the trick in my heart. High tops? Even better. Take those sneakers and run to second base with me...I mean..what? I didn't mean that. I meant for people that play baseball or something in them...umm..I digress.

Attractive male footwear is a challenge to find. Having shopped for the perfect shoe with many friends of the male gender, I know this first hand. You don't want to spend the time indulging in the proper footwear, but I assure you..your feet don't go unnoticed. Also, now that we're talking about shoes..let's take a moment and talk about socks. Your formerly white socks should not be anywhere near the yellow family...they shouldn't. This goes for the chicks too! Please, take some time with a bleach bottle and get those foot covers white, or find that flaming trash can and get rid of them!

I remember being in middle school and making my infamous lists of "Madde Wants a Boyfriend: Who's Better?". An important and weighty category came with shoe choice. "Steel-toed black tennies dude" fell to the bottom of the list every time because I couldn't deal with the fear of being kicked by accident by him. That's dangerous. His shoes were DANGEROUS!

The last few weeks I have seen some adorable footwear on the dudes. Keep up the good work. And to those who aren't living up to your personal best...let's go shopping. I'm oodles of fun and I will make you uncomfortable at least two times.