Saturday, July 17, 2010

I wear my sunglasses at night...and during the day...and when I sleep...and when I shower..

I spent a beautiful afternoon at Lake of the Isles the other afternoon with a friend. We sat for hours discussing life, laughing, sunning, and working on big kid work. A few hours later the sun was going down and I was on my way home. On my way home, suddenly the sunshine went away and from the west, a shit-storm came my way! My friend called to air some of his grievances with me..and revealed that he was offended that I hadn't taken my sunglasses off the entire afternoon. Wow.

Can we get real here for a minute? Can I tell you that I honestly didn't even think about it. Seriously. That was not a thought that had gone through my mind AT ALL. I mean for god sake, we were OUTSIDE! How was I supposed to know that by hiding my eyes for hours at a time, this could be considered offensive. The sun was out!

As I brooded over this topic for many hours, I thought I would turn to my facebook to see if I had a sunglasses addiction. The results are shocking.

I present to you now some of my research...


Why? Simple reason..Because I'm outside. 

Why? Because I'm clearly in bed sleeping. Sunnies are not required for sleeping. 
(Please note that the sun is indeed out, but alas, I am in bed. Bed time is night time, not mid-afternoon "I require sunglasses to sleep" time.)

I'm clearly outside. I'm clearly on a boat looking over the island of Manhattan. Sunnies would be appropriate for this time. 

Some experts would say.."Madde! You're outside! You can wear sunnies!"
Many people do not know that it is offensive in the stuffed bear community to wear sunnies while trying to make out with them. Clearly my tongue is out and ready for some stuffed bear action, my sunnies prevented me from ever meeting his parents...because I had offended his culture. I'm sorry. 

This picture was taken at dusk as I slurpped on a soft serve ice cream cone. The sunnies serve a very important role in this because they prevented my eyes from the backwash of the melting ice cream. They were helpful and served the greater good. 

I am in an elevator, at night, wearing a leopard print dress. NOT wearing sunnies at this moment would be wrong. VERY wrong. Who knows when the next paparazzi would come around the corner to try to take my picture and sell it to OK! Magazine...

(...wait...hold on...)

I'm sorry. This has been moved to the BAD category because...I'm not a celebrity. In fact, I'm far from a celebrity, I'm just a girl wearing a leopard print dress in an elevator. Things look pretty safe. 

Although this was at night and inside, by the looks of my lipstick...I was in rough shape. Sunnies provided the boy in the picture safety from my wicked side. 

Unnecessary use of sunnies at night time. Clearly this picture was taken by a friend who had a thirst for my hidden eyes. I'm sorry. 

Goats have devil eyes. I didn't want him to steal my soul. The sunnies were protecting me...Levar Burton -style...

This many sunnies on one face is known to cause an inflated sense of self and fish mouth. A poor placement of sunnies. 

This llama hadn't earned the right to see into my soul. We had just met...he would get the sunnies until he EARNED my eyes. 

So yes, perhaps my friend was right. I wear sunnies a lot. I don't mean to be offensive in my wearing of them. Perhaps I think I'm Rachel Zoe? She wears her sunnies everywhere she goes, yet no one yells at her...

So I guess my only option is this: If it is sunny out, I will pop one of my lenses out of my sunglasses revealing ONE of my eyes. This way the person sitting across from me knows that they exist, and then the other eye is safe from the rays of the sun! Deal? Deal. 

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