Dear Dudes with Man-Ponies,
I commend you for making a fashion choice. A lot of men don't even bother to pay attention to their appearance and just walk around the world lookin' like a slob. Man-ponies have the potential to be very alluring. I mean we've all seen what David Beckham and Gavin Rossdale have been able to pull off with their Man-Ponies! Rock it out!
With that said, Man-Ponies also have the potential to go horribly, horribly wrong. A few simple problems with the Man-Pony can make you go from spicy sex-pot all the ladies want to pounce on, to homeless man I feel I need to run away from.
Here are 3 simple tips for the Man-Pony:
1. Length of the Man-Pony: A shoulder-length Man-Pony is good enough, boys. At the shoulders we get the point..."Oh, look! He has a Man-Pony! Coolsies!" Anything past the shoulder has the potential to get creeper.
2. Find a good conditioner to rub up in the Man-Pony: Nothing ruins a Man-Pony more than dryness. Gentlemen, I can not express this enough! If you are going to have a Man-Pony that you use to entice the ladies and gents of the world, condition that shit! No one wants to run their hands through a pile of straw! Spend that extra money you use to buy weed this month, and buy some deep conditioner. You'll thank me.
3. "How vulumptious and enticing is my Man-Pony?": This should be a question all Man-Pony wearers ask themselves before engaging in a Man-Pony. Don't know what this means? Here's a simple test. Stand in front of a mirror with your Man-Pony intact. Turn on Seal's "Kissed By a Rose". Seductivly remove your Man-Pony. If what you see in the mirror is similar to an Herbal Essences commercial, you are a good candidate for a Man-Pony.
Carry on bravely with your Man-Ponies, gentlemen. When done well, they can your secret weapon. Spiderman had his webs that sprung from his hands, Batman had that fancy car, YOU have your Man-Pony. Wear it with Pride....and condition that shit!