Thursday, November 4, 2010

An Open Letter to....DUDES WITH MAN-PONIES!!

As I have wandered through life these days, I'm noticing a new fashion trend in the male world: man-ponies. Today I present some of my advice to the man-pony wearers of the world in my open letter to....DUDES WITH MAN-PONIES!!

Dear Dudes with Man-Ponies,

I commend you for making a fashion choice. A lot of men don't even bother to pay attention to their appearance and just walk around the world lookin' like a slob. Man-ponies have the potential to be very alluring. I mean we've all seen what David Beckham and Gavin Rossdale have been able to pull off with their Man-Ponies! Rock it out! 

With that said, Man-Ponies also have the potential to go horribly, horribly wrong. A few simple problems with the Man-Pony can make you go from spicy sex-pot all the ladies want to pounce on, to homeless man I feel I need to run away from.

Here are 3 simple tips for the Man-Pony: 

1. Length of the Man-Pony: A shoulder-length Man-Pony is good enough, boys. At the shoulders we get the point..."Oh, look! He has a Man-Pony! Coolsies!" Anything past the shoulder has the potential to get creeper.

2. Find a good conditioner to rub up in the Man-Pony: Nothing ruins a Man-Pony more than dryness. Gentlemen, I can not express this enough! If you are going to have a Man-Pony that you use to entice the ladies and gents of the world, condition that shit! No one wants to run their hands through a pile of straw! Spend that extra money you use to buy weed this month, and buy some deep conditioner. You'll thank me. 

...and finally...

3. "How vulumptious and enticing is my Man-Pony?": This should be a question all Man-Pony wearers ask themselves before engaging in a Man-Pony. Don't know what this means? Here's a simple test. Stand in front of a mirror with your Man-Pony intact. Turn on Seal's "Kissed By a Rose". Seductivly remove your Man-Pony. If what you see in the mirror is similar to an Herbal Essences commercial, you are a good candidate for a Man-Pony. 

Carry on bravely with your Man-Ponies, gentlemen. When done well, they can your secret weapon. Spiderman had his webs that sprung from his hands, Batman had that fancy car, YOU have your Man-Pony. Wear it with Pride....and condition that shit! 



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