It's almost wintertime and they have reared their ugly selves. Today I offer an open letter to....MUFFIN TOPS!
Dear Muffin Tops,
Whatchu doin' out this time of year? In fact, whatchu doin' out ANY time of year? Muffin Top, as I stood on the street corner last night (hangin' with my pals...not workin' it! Je promise!), you came sauntering around the corner like you owned that place. I was in shock. I was in awe. I was in...vomit. Muffin Top! Stay inside where you belong! This is for your own good, I promise. Muffin Top, you aren't cute, you aren't fun at parties, you bring a frowny face to my face. Muffin Top, do we need to talk? I think we do.
We've all got a part of you inside of us, Muffin Top, but the smart peeps don't let you wander out onto the street unsupervised. Muffin Top, you suffer from inflated sense of self. This may be offensive to you, but it's time for some tough love. Muffin Top, you shouldn't feel as good about yourself as you do. This is for your own good, get off the streets and into a loose-fitting tee. The air is a drug to you, I know.
I found a really helpful Muffin Top Rehab for you to go to, I've stuck the brochure in your belly button. Read it over. Consider getting some help. After all, the winter time is coming and I shan't say "I told you so!" when you catch a cold on the top of your Muffin.