Tuesday, May 4, 2010

He touched me...and it was awkward. And I don't want him to do it again.

Someone told me a couple of months ago that humans require something like 7 significant touches from another human being throughout the day. Do you get that? Think about it. Say for instance you are single, like myself....what are your 7 significant touches with another? Cats and running into walls don't count. When I am the giver or getter of a hug..I melt. My body and soul are telling me..."Madde! You love to be hugged!"

When in the presence of a new love interest..or lust interest..or hug interest...you analyze every touch. I'm a touchy person to begin with...friends, boys, dogs, babies, dog babies.. I have no qualms about a little pat of the knee, smack on the face, or wiping of my newly washed and wet hands on their cheek whilst saying..."It's my urine! It's my urine!"...(wait..what? that's gross..my bad!)

From someone you are smitten with..the smallest touches are the best. A little pat on the knee, brush on the back, or pinch of the cheek..but sometimes..the touch can be bizarre!! Ladies and gentlemen, the following is not for the faint of heart. Proceed with caution. I present to you....


1. The Ol' Hoodie Pouch Hand Grab

This one was truly alarming. When I was 17 there was a boy that used to come over to my house in the middle of the night. Wait...what? Jesus, I hope my parents aren't reading this. It was totally innocent. Je promise. Anywhos, while sitting underneath the stars one night...talking about our dreams of college and being bitten with the young love bug...he put his arm around me. So lovely..yes? It gets ugly..I promise. It was a cold spring evening and he was snuggled into his grey hoodie sweatshirt. (AWKWARD MOMENT APPROACHING!!) My little hands were oh-so-cold and he does the following. 

His left hand is around my shoulder.
Right hand goes into the hoodie pouch.
Right hand is threaded all the way through pouch.
Grabs my hand.
Pulls my hand INTO said hoodie pouch.

There we have it. The Ol' Hoodie Pouch Hand Grab. Awkward.

2. The Boy Who Cupped My Floating Patella Knee-Cap

Need I say more? I mean..Seriously? Come on. Weird. Stop it. Remove your hand. No, seriously. Now. 

.......and finally....


Perhaps you are not familiar with the pinkle tick? In other cultures it is known as the "Pinky Tickle". The pinky tickle is used by boys...yes, boys..not men..boys..who are too wimpy to hold a girls hand. So instead...they just tickle you with their pinky. Yes, tickle you with their pinky. That tiny little finger at the edge of your hand can be used for disgusting behavior. And this gentleman exhibited just that. The pinkle tick will come out of nowhere, when you least expect it! I was tolerating a really bad play and BAM! the pinkle tick rears it's ugly head. 
You may be asking yourself...Madde..why do you call it a pinkle tick? Well you see, in a state of shock I called my friend and couldn't form words. Pinkle tick was what came out...my bad. 

So there you have it. The most ridiculous signs of affection I have ever received. If a gentleman can be respectful with his pinky, not drag me into his private pouch, and leave my patella alone..I'm a happy camper. I'm off to go get my 7 touches for the day! FREE HUGS AND KISSES!!!

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