Tuesday, March 23, 2010

An open letter to...CRAZIES AT THE AIRPORT

As some of you may know, I've just returned from my adventures in the Big Apple. My journey there was long...very long. True, it wasn't like the 90s classic computer game "Oregon Trail," but it did test my strength, agility, and certainly my patience. This brings me to my open letter of the week to....CRAZIES AT THE AIRPORT.

Dear Crazies at the Airport,

Good Morning. First, let me offer you a bit of advice while traveling...CHILL THE bleep OUT! By doing this, dear crazies, it will make our traveling time together a lot easier. Hey Lady who had a mental breakdown curbside check-in line, come over here for a moment and let's have a little chat.

Mmmk..I know you're stressed. I know it's 5 in the morning. You made it very clear that your flight to London was leaving at 7, but seriously? Your behavior was that of a...... crazy person. Yelling at the man at the desk and calling him a liar..is neither going to get you to London or get you into anyone's good graces. Pacing up and down the line asking to cut in front of people? You guessed it! Behavior of a crazy person. Falling on the ground and shaking while you try to text? Ya, I'm going to throw up the crazy person flag on that one too! (Who are you texting at 5 in the morning anyway? Do they know you are crazy?) I'm sorry. If you wanted to get to London on time, you should have spent less time rooting through your closet to find that ridiculous hat you are wearing, and a little MORE time on the road..getting to the airport on time. I would hug you, but you might yell/bite/eat me. So I'm going to say ChEERIO! instead. Happy flying, crazy lady.

Also, the people standing in the security line. I know the airport is a stressful place and you are tired, but if you've flown before, or heck! even read a newspaper, you know you can't bring that giant Mountain Dew on the plane...seriously? Also, fighting with the security people about how you NEED your Dew on the flight, is bringing no joy to this situation, or to anyone in the line behind you. Do the Dew PAST the security check-point, friend, and scurry along through the metal detector so I can unload my liquids into a ziploc bag.

Finally, flight attendants. Why must you be so grumpy at 6 am? Surely you've been up for quite some time, as your hair is gelled to perfection, and your acrylic nails are glued on tight. I'm stunned by your lack of a smile as I board the air craft. It does not give me much confidence in my safety if you don't care about me. When we are about to take off, I wonder...is it company policy to tell the girl on her cellphone to "F@#$ off"? Also, when we are stranded on the runway in the middle of WhoVille, due to an emergency landing..could I trouble you for some water to calm my nerves and wet my whistle? No? Mmmk. That's fine.

In conclusion, Crazies of the Airport. Let's take a chill pill and get off the grumpy train. It will make our lives a lot happier as we travel.



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