Friday, March 26, 2010

An open letter to...GUYS WITH VERY LONG BEARDS!!

Ok, people..I've got to get this off my chest. I'm seeing them all around town. It is baffling to me! So this brings me to my open letter of the day to..GUYS WITH VERY LONG BEARDS.

Dear Guys with VERY LONG Beards,

Just one question, why?

Ok, ok, I lied..a few more questions. Now, I understand that a beard on a man can be...liberating, should we say? In fact, beards are very chic right now. But please note that when I speak of chic beards, I am speaking of ones that are tamed and clean..said chic beards do NOT have the capacity to be braided and/or beaded. NOT ok to hang beads from your face. When did this become appropriate? My problem lies in this truth, Guys with VERY long beards...are you actually attempting to make a fashion statement, or are you lazy?

Let me share with you a scenario that I feel is fitting. Here's my first impression of a guy with a very long beard.

Let's say for instance I'm walking down an alleyway. You can hear jazz in the distance. The moon is full and the Lady and the Tramp are sitting at the end of the ally sucking on noodles together. As I walk I see with a very long you know what I think at this point? I think, "Oh no, this man is going to invite me into the sewage drain that he lives in and try to take advantage of me with his beard. Ugh. Damn it! NOT AGAIN!"

THAT is what I think, guys with very long beards. Now..let's asses WHY I think that? Main reason? Your beard is creepy. Like supey creepy. Like I'm not messing around when I say this..shave that beard off or expect everyone to think you are a creeper. No woman is going to date you with that beard. Nothing says "this is not sexy" as much as you caressing my face in a sexy manner with your beaded beard. True story. Mmmk..happy shaving!




  1. I had the great pleasure of seeing Vampire Weekend Monday, and the drummer had a terribly gross beard. Long. Sweaty. Not sexy. Just creepy.

    I think this beard thing is somewhat of a problem.

  2. It is inspiring to see such an honest comment like that, Dilly. Thank you for your candor. I'm sorry for the pain that man's beard caused you.

  3. I usually wear long beard. I know it's not sexy. When I want to be beautiful I cut my beard. Men do not get dressed up to look pretty. Men dress up for yourself. Men like to watch themself scary, bad. We dont carry about you, girls or oder people thing.

    Sorry my english is not good.

  4. How come it is not sexy? What even is "sexy"? Sexy is personal preference. Every man and every woman is able to do whatever he or she wants with his/her hair. There are enough man out there who are very confident by growing a fullbeard, even in our emasculated time, who don't give a damn.

    I can tell you from my own, manly experience: A beard is natural. Shaving a beard is unnatural. No man covers something up socially while wearing a beard. A man who shaves his beard is mostly influenced by our modern and very sterile media. A man with a beard shows his true age. Mostly man grow a beard because it is something very personal for them, giving them a feeling of "being complete". Being a man.

    It is okay and I'm fully supporting it that women get equal rights these days, but I DO NOT support anything that discriminates one gender. So please, take your time - when you encounter one of the rare species bearded-men these days - or maybe your own husband/boyfriend decides to grow themself a beard: Be patient and ask them "why?". You have to understand it in order to judge free of prejudice.

    You (women) want to be threated like that: now it's your turn to threat us (men) equal.

    Thank you.

  5. Bytheway you've found a very nice picture up there. Looks somewhat ancient.

    It looks more "thick" than actually "very long..."

    PS: Turn down you immaturity and learn something for life.

  6. To answer your first question ... because i can.

    You know, some of the most influential men in history have had long beards (or facial hair in general).

    A beard is what separates men from women.
    If you like dating feminine boys, fair enough.
    If you want a man, look to a guy with a beard.


    I came across this post randomly on google and actually read it, so i guess (even though late) i'll comment. Allright, you asked why; for me its cultural. I havent even seen my chin closely shaved for the last 10 years, i'm 24 now and the beard has become an identity. People i've met through working in the marine infantry has taken to calling me "the viking" before they learn my name, and i'm proud of that. Im actually relieved you dont like it, it proves a secondary and quite useful feature to me that i trust in: Sorting out the superficial women,so dont worry about me asking you to come back to the horsefarm by the lake and pet my dogs. If i walked by you in an alleyway i'd probably look the other way,pocket my hands and walk faster, cause i probably would assume you were a prostitute...-ofcourse i wouldnt, im just mirroring your shallowness there. Although recently single, my ex loved my braided beard, And i keep it tidy,braid it nicely, sharp and clean.
    You're free to take a look, even better yet youre free to look me up on facebook and actually try a conversation with a man who has a long scary beard. Not being superficial might teach you something new. You also state that nobody is going to date me with this beard..Well, thank the gods theres an alternative to you :P And creepy, well, thats because you dont know better maybe, i dont know.
    Bottom line im a very caring stepfather and a good soldier for my country, a dedicated provider and a grown,serious man...My beard has nothing to do with it for better or for worse, looks dont define the man. But i guess you're ignorant and dont know better,Madde?
    Anyway, look me up and continue the discussion, please ;) I wont be checking this page again,most likely.
    Facebook: Doc Kretz, Norway

  8. one answer...."there's an ass for every seat". In other words, not everyone likes the same may also want to note; not everyone likes a gal with her bangs cut straight across with the rest of it put atop her head like a chicken tail either...