Thursday, September 2, 2010


Dear People with Fake Accents,

Oh, hey. Or should I say "HOWDY!"....Someone call a doctor, I'm concerned. One second I'm having a normal conversation with you about the significance of the Cherry on the Spoon sculpture, and then BAM! someone from Tennessee walks in the room and you start talking like Dolly Parton! I know you were born in Minneapolis, this accent you started speaking in? I think it's fake. Just a thought.

People with fake accents, you're not fooling anyone. LeRoy from Tennessee knows that you are not from Tennessee! The jig is up, my fake friend! Do you know how he knows your dirty little secret? Because HE'S from Tennessee and you don't sound like anybody he's ever met. Your accent is a mix between a bad George W. Bush impersonator, Jessica Simpson in "Dukes of Hazzard", and a touch of Big Bird.

I suggest you stop with the fake accents as soon as you are able. I'm concerned for your well-being. Everyone knows it's not real, and if it continues I may have to smack you in the head with an over-sized cowboy hat. You'll have no affinity for the South after that, so let's not let it get there. It's not worth it.



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