Sunday, September 19, 2010

That's a dealbreaker, ladies!!

There are some sure signs that a fellow is bad news bears. There are the obvious ones that we all know (ie: if he bites you at any point while knowing you...he should probs go away, etc...), but what about those little details we let slip by?? Well, I like to call those "Madde's Red Flags!". These "unique" details about a person that we turn a blind eye to because they may be cute, or funny, or breathing... but too many of those "Madde's Red Flags!" can be disaterous. I have taken the time to compile a list for you, dear readers, of some ABSOLUTELY TRUE "Madde's Red Flags!" from my life. Join me, won't you? I'm embarrassed for myself.

1.  If on the first day of knowing you he says: "HEY! It's YOU! I know YOU! I've done my research on you...your facebook page is super fun! That pink dress you wore is super cute" 

2. If he doesn't speak English, but you do. 

3. If he attempts to make out with you while you are watching Liza Minnelli on the T.V. Liza is sacred, keep your tongue to yourself. 

4. This is not a pick of line. I repeat, this is NOT a pick up line: "Do you want to go to my room and watch 'Teen Wolf' on VHS?"

5. If while walking down the street hand and hand: "So, I think I'm in love...her name is ______" If that blank spot does not contain your name, you should probs go home. 

6. If at anytime on a date the words "Close your eyes and open your mouth, it's a Jelly Belly tasting party!" are uttered. RUN! 

7.  If during dinner he has to go outside and check to see if someone has stolen his car, he's probs not the most balanced individual. 

8. The Darth Vader suit in his house is better dressed than he is. 

9. If you go over to his house for dinner and his cat violently attacks your leg, chances are the two of you (you + the kitten) are NOT going to be able to live harmoniously together. Do the cat a favor, and get gone! 

10. If he can tell me where he was when Kennedy was shot, he is probably too old for me. 

11. If he has a thing for Miley Cyrus, but can't name all of the Spice Girls, he is probably a child and shouldn't be asking you out on dates. 

....and finally...

12. If he has named his bong "Charlene", there is no hope. 

So there you have it! Some red flags...just in case you are ever wondering if he's loco or not. 

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