Monday, April 26, 2010

Once upon a time I went out on a few dates with a guy I liked: A Play in 5 Dates/Acts

(Your friends are not on your dates...why do they know so much about them? Because you blab your face off about them.)

A good date is something you want to shout from the mountain tops. For those of us who live in cities, our mountaintops translate into a cell phone. Yes, we shout our good news from our cellphones in 2010. We call our friends ASAP. Why?  Our friends know every detail about our dating lives. They know when we're going on the date, with whom, and what we are doing. They are practically dating this person too. I had a thought the other day, do my friends and I talk too much about our dating lives? Hmmm...curious thought. Let us take a journey through this, shall we?

The great thing about telling your friends every detail of your dating life is the fact that you get a sounding board..FOR FREE! Weee! Your friends HAVE to listen to the fact that he took you out to a picnic at 2 in the afternoon and packed a gluten-free meal for you both to enjoy, then rode on a row boat in a pond, and finished the day off with a trip to the zoo to see the monkeys (this sounds like a magical date..a girl can dream...le sigh). A friend is required to listen to this and analyze accordingly. It's simply in the friend code of conduct. Personally, I love analyzing the dates of others! It lets you in on this crazy world of people's idiosyncrasies.

You might be saying to yourself..."Well Madde! This looks great! Why would it be a problem to chit chat with your peeps about your dates every once and awhile!". I'm glad you asked. The problem is this: your friend isn't on the date with you. Were you aware of this? When you are strolling the zoo with your crush, your friend Judy isn't standing next to you taking notes. When you get home from the zoo and pick up your cellphone (many times one does not even wait to get home..hello! that's why they invented cell phones and speaker phone!), you have to tell Judy every detail about the date. When you relay the details of the date...things get sticky.

Most of the time you will dwell on some weird negative things like.."Well, when we were in the aquatics center and I told him I really liked the seals....well, you see...he didn't respond, Judy. Can you believe that? You know how important seal life is to me. How could he not say anything? Do you think he didn't hear me? I mean he had to have heard me. He was standing right next to me. I mean, the walrus was playing his trumpet next door! But he was standing so close to me! I made it very clear that I loved the seals! Ugh. Judy. We are doomed." Judy is left with the details that he doesn't like the seals. So what does she say? "Dump his ass" Sadly, Judy is coming from a place of ignorance, as she was not on the date, she does not know that said gentlemen also held my hand all day and told me how luminous I am. Judy. Bad call, girlfriend. Thanks for ruining that relationship with your crazy advice.

Our friends can also give crazy advice when hearing the positive too. After telling Judy that he had given you a lick of his ice cream cone after you saw the tropical bird show at the zoo, Judy tells you that he's clearly in love with you, and tonight when you go to see "Hot Tub Time Machine" with him... he's probs going to kiss you... You know what? Judy isn't going to be on this date, so Judy won't have to deal with the fact that when you get to "Hot Tub Time Machine", your date has invited his younger brother who is really into 2010. He still likes Pokemon. Judy's attempts at making you "live a little" have backfired because you are now at a movie with your crush and his nerdtastic younger brother, you will not be kissing him the way Judy has brainwashed you to think you would be doing.. and you are grumpy for the whole evening. We have all been there.

The thing is this: you know if our crush likes you because you can feel it. It's not a feeling you can explain to your friends over the phone. It's between you and them, and adding other people into the mix can make things messy. Your friends, whether they have good intentions or not, may screw with your mind a bit. It's a good thing to have a sounding board, to tell your closest pals about your newest crush who gives you butterflies in your tum-tum, but to create the saga of "Once upon a time I went out with a guy I liked..A play in 5 dates/Acts.." for your friends....gets old real quick, and makes your dating life into a soap opera for someone else to enjoy.

So, go out on your own dates dates. Use your own mind. Your own judgement. Feel your own feelings. Make your own choices. And please..for the love of Jesus/Buddha/Etc..etc..Don't let that stupid Judy come on the date with you. She clearly has no judgement whatsoever.

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