Wednesday, April 21, 2010

You can't make an African Wild Ass out of a Donkey..but you can behave like a lady.


This is Harry, a Hairy-Eared Dwarf Lemur. Why has he made an appearance in today's blog? Well you see, he's endangered. Endangered species are among us. They need our help.
Meet Roy, the African Wild Ass. He's endangered he needs your help too.

I bet you didn't even know there is an endangered species that lives right next door to you. Yes readers, THE MODERN GENTLEMAN is endangered and needs your help. 

              THIS MAN=GENTLEMAN

       You see this man? Franky. He was a class act. A gentleman that made ladies feel like a million bucks. The modern gentlemen of the millennium are hard to find, but when you encounter them....boy do they make you feel like a million bucks!

       So, how can we spot a gentleman as opposed to a a douche-bag dude? Well it's not as simple as spotting an endangered Hairy-Eared Dwarf Lemur vs. a regular non-endangered normal Lemur. No, not so simple at all.


       A modern gentleman of the millennium is, not Jersey Shore hair-gel suave, they posses a classy nature that makes the ladies go weak in the knees. They treat you like such a lady throughout the evening that you can't even remember what another normal dude was like. These gents don't fart in front of you on the first date, or insist that you share in a giggle over a burp because of their excessive drinking of beer. My extensive scientific research has proven that a gentleman makes a girl feel like a woman. What??? Let me explain.

         When I was in high school the boys at the all-boys school next door held a dance every year called the Military Ball. Said dance was a supposed to be a night of high-class and good behavior. I will never forget these boys spending the entire evening opening doors for us and saying, "I'm opening this door because my teacher told me I had to..soo..." WOW! Thank you. That makes me feel so good. It's good to know that had your teacher not mentioned that you use your wimpy little arms to hold the door open for me, I might be left with a concussion to my head and a ripped gown. Thank you. 
      It felt so contrived. They weren't doing it because they wanted to treat me with respect, they were doing it because they were told they had to. Gentlemen treat me like a lady because they respect me, not because they are going to get an A if they do. 

     The modern gentlemen of the millennium have an extra challenge. Women these days aren't used to being treated like ladies. We strive to just "be one of the boys" and not let you in on the secret that we have lady-bits and we aren't like you! The modern gent has to fight with us to put down our wallets and not pay for our drinks ourselves. They feel like they have to explain themselves when they open the door for us. They can't dote upon us on the first date for fear that we're going to think they are: a-weird, b-trying to rape us, c-patronizing us. The charm of the simple date has gone by the wayside, and the modern gentlemen of the millennium are trying desperately to hold onto what is left. 

     So how does a modern, self-respecting woman seek out the modern gentlemen of the millennium? Simple. Behave like a lady and they will follow. If you run around town being easy as pie, the modern gents will retreat to their very clean and non-sleezy homes. They don't want an easy gal (most of the time). If you strut around town with the confidence of a modern woman who deserves respect (ensuring that you don't become a scary feminist man-hating machine)...the modern gentlemen of the millennium will rush to your side. 

     A lot of people give money to organizations to ensure that endangered animals mate and create new animals. Women could start an organization like that OR women could encourage the creation of gentleman by treating themselves with respect, and embracing their lady-like natures. You can't magically create an African Wild Ass out of a regular donkey, but you CAN create a gentleman out of a d-bag dude.

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