Saturday, April 17, 2010

P.D.A: Public Displays of Annoying

       So tonight I had to pee. Like really, really pee. Like WOAH! I gotta go. I was at First Avenue (seeing the International fashion superstar Raul in his Minneapolis jealous), and as I made my journey to the Ladies room, I was distracted by a couple that was SO into each other that they couldn't be bothered to remove themselves from the doorway, or remove their tongues from each other's throats. For you kids out there, we in the biz like to call this P.D.A.

Public Displays of Annoying

     Here's my thing about the P.D.A..I get it. You're into each other. Good for you. Love is great. Super. But....Why do I have to be involved in your business? The truth about it is this though...we all like to complain about the P.D.A and say "get a room" or "someone get me a scarf so I can watch this game of tonsil hockey!", but I think we're all jealous of it. If we were the ones having a make-out session in the middle of First Avenue we wouldn't stop and say..."This is inappropriate, sir/ma'am. We should stop this and behave like respectable professionals." No, you wouldn't say that. I promise! That wouldn't happen! Ever. You'd keep gettin' down with the get down and you would have no qualms about it whatsoever! Anyone who is not involved in said P.D.A is just jealous that they don't have a tongue down their throat. (gross. graphic. sorry. yikes....jealous?)

      P.D.A can cross the line of appropriate though. I stop getting jealous and start getting nauseous at some points. Let me tell you a tale. This is not a tale for the queasy or fragile folks. Beware. 

      So, in the dead of winter this year (it was probs like -10 degrees jokesies on this one) I was walking downtown at about 11:30 at night on a Tuesday. How do I remember it was a Tuesday? Well, you see...I logged this in my memory because said acts should not happen on a Tuesday. Why? Because it's Tuesday. Get it together. As I walked with my pal on Lasalle (it're welcome) I noticed a couple gettin' all hot and heavy by a door to a business building. That was all fine and good until...the man pulled down his pants...and they started doin' the deed. Yes. Pick your jaw up off your computer desk and continue on this journey with me, folks. They were doin' the deed. On a street corner. In negative degree'd weather. On a Tuesday. My question is simple.....WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYY????? Think of what could happen! You could get arrested! Judged! Frost bite to the man-bits! Come on, people. Let's think this through!

       I'll say this, P.D.A is all fine and good until people start getting creative and (excuse the term) ballsy. That is crazy behavior! Why are you having sex on a street corner? That is a couple who was not satisfied with a simple kiss in a club on a Tuesday night. They had to go scar me for life on a street corner. Thank you. 

     Now when I see P.D.A I think..."Hmmm...I wish someone would kiss me right now...but if they try to take me out to a street corner in the middle of winter and get all up in my business..we're going to have a problem." At the end of the day, P.D.A is dangerous. Beware. Proceed with caution. And don't get too jealous because that shit can get really compromising in a matter of seconds. 

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