Tuesday, April 27, 2010
When did my friends get so slutty? (Apologies to my friends..)
Mmmk. I have a bone to pick with the world. Forgive me if you are about to get offended...but... Why does everyone think they wrote the rule book on what a good date is? Everyone seems to have an opinion, including myself (i know..i know..i'm on month 4 of writing a blog about dating..so i am full of it). Anywhos, everyone seems to have an opinion on what constitutes a good date.
Let's say for instance you come home after a great evening with a fellow you enjoy. Perhaps you've only known each other for a short amount of time, he's asked you out to get to know you. It was a fun. You come home feeling great about the evening! You had drinks, you talked for hours, you laughed, and you plan to see each other again. It was a great first date....in MY book...but what the eff do I know? Right away you tell your friends, to which they respond..."Well, did he kiss you?"...Ummm..no..he didn't. Does this suddenly make this great first date null and void? Well that's not fair!
The question arises..when did my friends get so slutty? Are my friends out in the world sticking their tongues down the throats of innocent unsuspecting people? I certainly hope not! I'm no mathematician, but... if one and one make two, then my friends and their first dates equal slutty behavior! (GASP!) If you are out on a first date with a person you barely know, are you really going to put your face on theirs? I'm not! No matter how attracted to them I am...I thought that was just standard practice, but methinks I'm in the minority (gasp! #2). If a hot n' heavy make-out session is required on the first date by my peers, than by their standards I have gone on a string of very unsuccessful dates for....(hold on..let me add it up...calculating...carrying the 4..dividing the 2..one sec..)..oh yes, my whole life!
I've never been "Cathy, the casual kisser". I've always been "Madde, please keep your tongue to yourself if we don't know each other very well." It's been working out for me for about 22 years, so I'm not sure on why my friends are so concerned with my habits now. I come home from great first dates, feeling confident, happy, and euphoric about new possibilities and then BAM! I'm suddenly tossed back to feeling like I'm in 8th grade and it's spin the bottle time and "Woops! I suddenly have to go to the bathroom when the bottle lands on me..what a coincidence! So weird that happened..ha..isn't that funny, you guys! I'll be right back! Umm...ya...no interest in kissing you and your acne mouth..so umm..I'll be in the bathroom for a little while...so you guys finish that game...and call me when the pizza comes...Awesome." Remember that time? Or was that just me. Ha..It might have just been me. Woops.
Why can't we feel happy about PG dates? When did a hand holding sesh become obsolete? I see it like this, everyone wants to see the date movie in 3D, but I always liked it in the regular theater! There's more leg room, it's not as cramped, it doesn't require me to wear funny glasses that a lot of other people have worn...if you get my drift...(which you probs don't because that was the strangest metaphor known to man). You have your whole life to put your face on someone elses, what about a little cat n' mouse, huh? When did that game go by the wayside? If you give up the goods right away, then why bother with the courtship? If you allow me to go back to movie theater metaphors for a moment...people buy the extra large popcorn because they get free refills..but have you ever noticed you NEVER go back for that refill? You know why? Because you are so full and sick by the end of the movie, you can't eat anymore. If you get slutty on the first date, you are the extra large popcorn..you sound like a great idea, but your artificial flavoring and glutenous size will make you an undesirable candidate for a refill.