An open letter to...THE COUPLE THAT WENT INTO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER AND NEVER CAME OUT!

Today as I sipped tea in the middle of the afternoon at my local tea joint, I was witness to one of the most mind-boggling events my little eyes have ever seen....this week. That brings me to my open letter of the day to....THE COUPLE THAT WENT INTO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER AND NEVER CAME OUT!

DEAR THE COUPLE THAT WENT INTO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER AND NEVER CAME OUT,

       Hey you guys! It's me, Madde. I'm the little blonde girl sitting on the couch outside of the bathroom taking pictures of myself on my PhotoBooth and singing out loud to myself. So..... Ummm... heeey... Looks like you are really taking advantage of that unisex bathroom. May I ask you a few questions? I don't mean to be crass or invasive, but what are you doing in there exactly? I could understand if both had to go to the bathroom (I mean, I should know how fast that tea shoots through the ol' bod right? Right you guys? Huh? Am I right?), but don't you see the other vacant one right next door? It's that other door that has the picture of the girl and the boy on it and it says "unisex". I honestly think it was vacant and ready for use.
       But it's really possible I'm being ignorant here, perhaps you had been to the other bathroom yesterday and it was out of order. Perhaps the flusher didn't flush to your liking, or maybe you sprayed water on yourself in the sink and it's too painful to go back in there. Or maybe one of you is helping the other...umm...clean up after use of the pot. I don't know, I'm just the little blonde girl sitting on the couch outside of the bathroom taking pictures of myself on my PhotoBooth and singing out loud to myself. What do I know?

(this is how I feel when you go into the bathroom and don't come out...this is what happens on my PhotoBook)

     Couple, you are aware that my mind goes to the dirty places because you guys didn't come out of there, right? I don't mean to go there. I mean for goodness sake, I went to Catholic School! My mind should be pure....but it's not. Were you guys bumpin' uglies in the bathroom? Just be honest. Were you? Because if you were I'm going to need to find a new tea establishment to sip my tea, sit on the couch while taking pictures of myself on PhotoBooth and singing out loud to myself. You understand, right? Are we in a fight now? You should understand. You guys, I really, really hope you understand. For serious here. I drink a lot of tea while I'm there. It shoots right through me. I'm going to need to use that bathroom, and I won't be able to do that if you have bumped uglies in there. Just thought I would put it out there. Thank you for your time.

     (Also, please find another establishment to do the nasty in. Thank you.)

Love,

Me